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I love Christmas songs. I do. But there is one that I hate – Little Saint Nick by the Beach Boys. I love the Beach Boys, they remind me of being 7 years old and starting out majorettes and dancing with pom poms. Nice. But this song is just plain STUPID. Let me show you why.
Little Saint Nick by the Beach Boys
Oooooooo
Merry Christmas Saint Nick
Christmas comes this time each year
Oooooooo oooooooo
Let me stop you there. Christmas comes each year?!?! And at THIS TIME? Like, you mean, December? What happens if you’re listening to this in July? When I used to work at my local library on Sundays, we could play music of our choice and this one day we played Christmas music in July. True story. But seriously, do you really need to point out that Christmas comes each year, at “this time” (which we shall assume to mean December).
Well, way up north where the air gets cold
There’s a tale about Christmas that you’ve all been told
And a real famous cat all dressed up in red
And he spends the whole year workin’ out on his sled
I’m going to give you this “cat” business. American English is a strange thing. But does Santa really work out all year on his sled the whole year? Doesn’t he, like, look over the elves who are making the toys? But you’re saying he’s on his SLED? All year? If you say so…
It’s the little Saint Nick
Ooooo, little Saint Nick
It’s the little Saint Nick
Ooooo, little Saint Nick
Just a little bobsled we call it old Saint Nick
But she’ll walk a toboggan with a four speed stick
She’s candy-apple red with a ski for a wheel
And when Santa hits the gas, man, just watch her peel
What? The SLED is called “Saint Nick”? I think you’re a bit confused. The big MAN in red is Saint Nick. While we’re at it, do you, American men, know what a “speed stick” (which I imagine means “gear stick”) is at all? With your automatic cars? Really? Do you?
It’s the little Saint Nick
Ooooo, little Saint Nick
It’s the little Saint Nick
Ooooo, little Saint Nick
Run run reindeer
Run run reindeer
Whoaa
Run run reindeer
Run run reindeer
If this sled has a gear stick, why does it need reindeer? Stick to one story, please!
He don’t miss no one
And haulin’ through the snow at a frightenin’ speed
With a half a dozen deer with Rudy to lead
He’s gotta wear his goggles ’cause the snow really flies
And he’s cruisin’ every pad with a little surprise
Ahhhhhh
Oooooooo
Merry Christmas Saint Nick
Christmas comes this time each year
Oh hush!!
So do you believe me now? This song is stupid!
