Through a WordPress Freshly Pressed link, I came across the book MWF Seeking BFF. I’d just finished reading Cloud Atlas which was a Christmas present (it’s a door stop of a book…) so I bought it on my Kindle.
I didn’t imagine how much of an impact this book would have on me… it’s about just being in a place that isn’t the one you grew up in – and just feeling lonely. The woman (blogger Rachel Bertsche) tries to find her new best friend in Chicago by going on a long list of friend dates. Some are good, some are bad, some are terrible.
The reason this book is so addictive to me is because I feel exactly the same. Making friends in a new city is difficult. You don’t know anyone outside work, you don’t know where to go to make friends. But making friends in a different culture is 100 time more difficult.
I was really down in Japan while on JET. There were other foreigners around but I didn’t feel that they were the types of people I would choose to be friends with if I had the choice. I felt so low that I even overlooked a girl who eventually became my best friend there. I just had given up on everything. I thought maybe dating someone would “cure” me of this feeling, so when a lovely Japanese guy fell for me, I went with it in the hope that I would grow more fond of him. Needless to say, I didn’t and I feel so bad for leading him along like that since he is the loveliest guy.
I got to the stage where I just hit rock bottom and needed to be pro-active about it all. I worked really hard on language exchange sites, Mixi (a Japanese social network) and in person too – going to everything I was invited to. I managed to get a really nice group of friends and along with the new JETs that came in that I was very close to, I felt so much better and not lonely at all.
But now I have to start all over again here. Having spent most of my free time up until now with Mister, now that we’re not together any more I feel like someone has yanked away my crutches. I do feel lonely and where for the autor of my book is searching for someone who will just drop everything and go for a manicure, I am looking for someone who I can just text “hey something stupid happened” and get a reply, or someone who will just be happy walking around while taking photos with me. Someone for last minute dinner, or to go to that cafe I found with.
The book states that a person can handle 120 friends at a time – of which 50 are the closest. In the past month going through a heart-breaking break up I have come to realise how many people around me are in that 50 person space. But I don’t think I have all 50 spaces filled. MWF Seeking BFF has really motivated me to build up my friendship circle and go on more girl-dates.
I highly recommend that book to anyone – it’s slightly chick-lit-y but has lots of sciencey stuff in it too which makes me feel I’m not reading drivel haha. It’s easy to read and I bet most people – if not most women- will identify heavily with it, as I have.
. In my case, it’s exactly the other way around. When I lived in Japan, it was so easy making friends – just because of the fact that I was a foreigner there and it was obvious to everyone. Back home in Germany, I’ve had a hard time finding new people to do stuff together with. I’m not the type of person who has tons of friends, a couple of people I’m feeling close to is enough for me. But even this proves to be a hard task. I’ll move to Frankfurt in 2 weeks and am curious if getting to know new people is gonna be any different from Mainz and Wiesbaden where I’ve lived before. Maybe we should grab a coffee sometime 
